The Greatest Sheep in History Read online

  THREE

  It was almost three o’clock by the time the superheroes of Baxter Branch arrived in Thomastown.

  ‘Very nice,’ Vera said approvingly as they passed under a banner that read: Thomastown welcomes superheroes to the National Superheroes Conference.

  ‘Follow the signs to the Pleasant Dayz conference centre,’ Super Whiz instructed.

  They drove down a main street that was every bit as busy and bustling as Baxter was on a Saturday afternoon, then crossed a river over a small stone bridge and turned into a driveway next to a sign reading, Enjoy your stayz at Pleasant Dayz.

  When they pulled into the car park, Ernie saw dozens of vans just like theirs—and dozens of superheroes.

  ‘Look, Maud,’ he whispered. Milling about with suitcases and backpacks and baskets and boxes were superheroes of all shapes and sizes: tall and thin, and short and plump; tall and plump, and short and thin. And although Ernie couldn’t see any other sheep, he did see a small scattering of animal sidekicks.

  The air was filled with a happy buzz.

  ‘What a lovely pair of tights!’

  ‘Thank you, they’re new.’

  ‘I hope the dinner menu is better than last time.’

  ‘… big and red, but he won’t be flying in until tomorrow.’

  Ah, Dynamo always arrives in style …’

  ‘Look, it’s Magnificent Marjory from Beezerville Branch! Marjory, over here!’ called Valiant Vera, waving at a muscular woman dressed in yellow.

  Magnificent Marjory gave a whoop and swooped over like a giant canary.

  ‘Vera!’ she said, giving the other woman a hug. ‘Ah, Super Whiz, I’m looking forward to your speech tomorrow. Desmond, handsome as ever, I see.’ Desmond turned red and tried to suck in his tummy, which was poking through the gap between his orange top and purple tights. ‘And Housecat Woman—keeping the mice at bay, I hope?’

  ‘These are our trainees, Extraordinary Ernie and Marvellous Maud,’ Vera said, gesturing at them.

  ‘I’m very pleased to meet you,’ said Magnificent Marjory. ‘Vera has told me a lot about you. Beezerville Branch has brought a couple of trainees along too. You should keep an eye out for them, I’m sure you’d have plenty to talk about. Well, must dash—registration is through there.’ She pointed towards a table on a patch of grass at the edge of the car park. ‘See you later!’

  The superheroes holding their suitcases, Maud carrying a straw basket between her teeth, and Ernie with his backpack slung over his shoulder, headed for the queue snaking back from the registration table.

  ‘Right,’ said Vera, when they had signed in. ‘We’ve got two cabins, 37B and 37C.’

  ‘A cabin?’ Maud, who had put down her basket, gave a happy skip. ‘I’ve never slept in a cabin before! Though I did sleep in a barn once, when I was a little lamb …’

  Following a map they had been given at the registration table, they found their small wooden cabins at the edge of a field opposite the cafeteria and a large assembly hall.

  ‘This will do very nicely,’ said Vera with a nod, as she opened the door to the first cabin to reveal a bunk bed against one wall and a single bed against the other.

  Housecat Woman, who was good at climbing and liked high places, quickly claimed the top bunk, and Maud, who liked neither, put her basket down on the bottom.

  Super Whiz led Ernie and Desmond to the cabin next door, which had an identical layout. Super Whiz quickly claimed the single bed.

  ‘You’d best take the top bunk, Ernie,’ Desmond decided. ‘I’m not as nimble with ladders as I used to be.’

  There was a crackle, then an officious voice boomed over a loudspeaker: ‘The welcoming address will begin in fifteen minutes. Please make your way to the assembly hall. I repeat: the welcoming address will begin in fifteen minutes.’

  The members of Baxter Branch emerged from their cabins and joined the throng of superheroes hurrying towards the assembly hall.

  ‘This is amazing,’ Ernie whispered to Maud when they were at last seated in a middle row of the large hall. ‘I’ve never seen so many superheroes!’

  Their attention was drawn to the stage as a small round woman with glasses and curly hair tapped the microphone and said, ‘Ahem,’ in a high voice. Her one-piece orange costume and cape shimmered with silver stars.

  ‘That’s Stupendous Sue,’ whispered Amazing Desmond, who was seated on the other side of Ernie. ‘She’s the president of the Superheroes Society National Headquarters—she’s stupendously well organised and very, very smart. In fact,’ he continued, lowering his voice even further, ‘she’s Whiz’s hero.’

  Clearly he hadn’t lowered his voice low enough, because Super Whiz, who was sitting on the other side of Maud, hissed, ‘Shhh. Don’t be ridiculous.’ But Ernie noticed he was blushing.

  ‘I would like to welcome you all to this year’s National Superheroes Conference,’ the president was saying. ‘For my welcoming address today, I’ve chosen the topic “Superheroing for a Safer Society”.’

  Wow! Ernie couldn’t imagine a more interesting or important topic. It seemed that the other superheroes were equally interested, as all the murmuring and whispering died down and the audience sat up a little straighter.

  ‘In the age of the internet,’ Stupendous Sue began, reading from a sheaf of papers. But before the eager audience could learn how the internet related to Superheroing for a Safer Society, there was a blur of red and white as someone streaked across the stage—and snatched Stupendous Sue’s notes straight out of her hands!

  ‘Stop thief!’ cried Stupendous Sue.

  Two hundred superheroes stared at each other then back at the stage, aghast. Who would dare steal from the president of the Superheroes Society—in front of a hall full of superheroes?!

  Then there was a strange cackle and a thin voice rang out across the room:

  Run, run, as fast as you can,

  You can’t catch me—

  I’m Chicken George!

  FOUR

  On stage, the president was looking more stupefied than stupendous.

  ‘Quick, everyone,’ she urged. ‘After him!’

  As one, the assembled superheroes rose and surged towards the door.

  To Ernie’s surprise, there was a lot of pushing and shoving. He’d always imagined that superheroes would be super polite, but apparently this wasn’t the case.

  ‘You might be Fast Freddie,’ a young black-clad woman said to a man in pink and aqua stripes, ‘but I’m Hasty Harriet, so step aside.’

  ‘Oh yeah?’ said a wiry older woman, pushing past them. ‘Well, the pair of you can make way for Rapid Rebecca!’

  Ernie was surrounded on all sides by similar complaints.

  ‘Watch it, you’re standing on my cape!’

  ‘Get your big fat feet off my toes of steel!’

  And, most disturbing of all, ‘What’s that sheep doing here? This conference is reserved for heroes, not barnyard animals!’

  Ernie spun around angrily to see a pear shaped man in a tight white costume. There was a sudden streak of black and claws, then the man stared disbelievingly at his tattered sleeve.

  ‘My sleeve—you’ve torn it to shreds!’ he shrieked.

  ‘Sorry,’ purred Housecat Woman sweetly.

  Ernie glanced anxiously at Maud, hoping she hadn’t heard the exchange, but he could tell by her downcast eyes that she had.

  At last the crowd of superheroes gushed from the assembly hall like water from a tap onto the field outside.

  Fast Freddie, Hasty Harriet and Rapid Rebecca raced around the field, and Eagle-eyed Ed and his twin brother, Beady-eyed Bert, scanned the grass for clues. But there was not a thieving chicken in sight.

  ‘Who is Chicken George?’ Ernie asked Amazing Desmond, who was standing beside him.

  Desmond shrugged. ‘Search me,’ he said. ‘This is the first I’ve heard of him.’ He turned to Magnificent Marjory, who had just walked up. ‘Have you heard of this Chicken George
before, Marj?’

  ‘Not a word,’ said Marjory.

  ‘He’s probably part of some evil new barnyard gang,’ chimed in the pear-shaped man, who clearly didn’t like sheep.

  ‘Which specialises in stealing speeches?’ asked Rapid Rebecca, still panting from her circuit of the field.

  Seeing there was nothing more they could do, the gathering moved towards the cafeteria for dinner.

  After helping themselves at the buffet—‘There’s some great vegetarian dishes,’ Maud noted excitedly, with Desmond adding, ‘And pepperoni pizza!’—they found seats at one of the four long tables.

  All conversation centred around the outrageous cheek of Chicken George. While Ernie had seen little more than a flash of white with a crest of red whiz across the stage, it appeared that many others in the audience had had a closer look.

  ‘Two metres tall!’ said one.

  ‘With a beak as sharp as a knife!’ said another.

  ‘And giant fangs!’ added a third.

  The one thing everyone agreed on was that Chicken George was the most terrifying and villainous chicken anyone had ever seen.

  Ernie shivered. Suddenly he had a new fear to add to his long list.

  ‘The question is,’ said Super Whiz loudly, thumping his fist on the table, ’what are we going to do about it? We can’t just have criminal chickens waltzing in and stealing speeches from our president.’

  ‘Well, he didn’t exactly waltz,’ Desmond pointed out. ‘He moved across that stage faster than a speeding pizza driver. I’ve never seen a chicken move so fast!’

  Stupendous Sue, who was sitting a few places away at the head of the table, said firmly, ‘Super Whiz is right. No one is safe while that chicken is on the loose. I’m going to hold a meeting of all branch presidents tomorrow morning so we can develop a plan of action.’

  With that decided, the assembled superheroes seemed to feel that they could turn their attention to dinner. Ernie was impressed by their heroic appetites.

  When all the plates and bowls were finally scraped clean, and even Desmond had eaten his fill from the dessert buffet, superheroes began to rise from their seats and drift off towards their cabins.

  Valiant Vera was studying the conference schedule as the members of Baxter Branch crossed the darkening field. ‘I’ve signed you two up for a seminar that starts straight after breakfast,’ she told Ernie and Maud. ‘Terrific Trainees and Super Sidekicks: Creating tomorrow’s superheroes today.’

  Ernie and Maud exchanged delighted looks.

  ‘That sounds great!’ Maud said.

  ‘Super Whiz will be at the meeting of branch presidents, of course,’ Valiant Vera continued.

  ‘Of course,’ Super Whiz echoed importantly.

  ‘Desmond, you’re down for—’ Vera squinted at her schedule. ‘Card Games and Line Dancing …?’

  ‘Er, that should read “Hard Names and Line Glancing”,’ said Desmond quickly. ‘It’s, um, a class on how to use the telephone book to hunt down mischief-makers.’

  ‘Oh!’ said Vera, looking surprised. ‘Okay. Housecat Woman will be going to a class on Superhero Stress Relief: From rescuing to relaxing, and I am attending a seminar on Equipment and Resource Management, which I expect will be very valuable. We’ll all meet up again at Super Whiz’s lecture in the main assembly hall, then have some lunch before The Daring Dynamo gives the closing address.’

  As they filed into their cabins, Ernie noticed that Maud was lagging behind.

  ‘What are you doing, Maud?’ His sidekick was standing still, gazing up at the sky. Bathed in moonlight, her fleece looked snowy white.

  ‘I’m just looking at the moon, Ernie,’ Maud said with a sigh: ‘I was thinking about the first astronauts, and wondering if a sheep will ever do something so heroic.’

  ‘Oh Maud, I’m sure there have been plenty of heroic sheep,’ said Ernie. ‘Um, what about … I know! What about that black sheep? You know, the one who had all that wool. Three whole bags, wasn’t it?’

  ‘You mean Blackie? Oh, she’s all right, I suppose, but I’d hardly count being able to grow a lot of wool as heroic, Ernie.’

  ‘Hmm, I suppose you’re right,’ Ernie had to admit. ‘Wait!’ he said desperately as Maud turned and slowly made her way towards her cabin. ‘What about those sheep you count when you’re trying to get to sleep? They have saved millions of people from sleepless nights!’

  ‘Thanks for trying, Ernie,’ Maud said. ‘But we both know those sheep are imaginary. Let’s face it: sheep can’t be heroes.’

  ‘Well, I’ll tell you something, Maud,’ Ernie called after her. ‘If a chicken can be a villain, then a sheep can definitely be a hero.’

  ‘Thanks for trying, Ernie,’ Maud said again. ‘Goodnight.’

  ‘Goodnight, Maud.’ Ernie trudged into his cabin. Even though the lights were still on, Desmond was already snoring away. Super Whiz was sitting up in bed reading through his speech and muttering to himself.

  Ernie changed into his pyjamas, brushed his teeth, then climbed up to his bunk with The Greatest Heroes in History. He might as well read another chapter before going to sleep—perhaps there would be a sheep in this chapter.

  ‘Fearless Heroes of Flight,’ he read, his eyes starting to feel heavy already.

  By the time Super Whiz turned out the light, Ernie was fast asleep and dreaming that he was counting sheep jumping over a fence. Each sheep wore a short pink cape that fluttered as it jumped, and each one turned to him and said sadly, ‘Sheep can’t be heroes.’

  FIVE

  When Ernie stepped outside the next morning, he scanned the surrounds anxiously for any sign of a two-metre chicken with enormous teeth. Instead, he saw a huge, red hot-air balloon tethered at the far end of the field.

  ‘A hot-air balloon!’ he said to Amazing Desmond, who was right behind him. ‘Where did it come from?’

  ‘Ah, The Daring Dynamo must have arrived,’ Desmond said. He peered at a small shape moving around the balloon’s basket. ‘Yep, that looks like Clever Clementine.’

  Ernie peered too, and could just make out a small white body with vivid orange legs and a bright orange beak. ‘A duck?’ he guessed.

  ‘That’s right. Clementine is Dynamo’s sidekick, and a great one.’

  The Daring Dynamo had an animal sidekick, just like he did! They had never mentioned that on TV. Ernie couldn’t wait to tell Maud.

  He spotted her a little way ahead, staring at the balloon as if transfixed.

  ‘Look, Ernie,’ she breathed, as he came to stand beside her. ‘Have you ever seen anything more beautiful? Wouldn’t you love to have a ride?’

  ‘Yeah!’ said Ernie. Then he said honestly, and a little glumly, ‘Well, no, not really. I’d be too scared to go so high.’

  Maud looked shocked. ‘Scared, Ernie? You?

  But you’re so brave! Remember how you climbed that tall tree to rescue my sister Mavis?’

  ‘That was different,’ Ernie tried to explain. ‘Mavis was in danger. I didn’t stop to think.’

  ‘Well, I’d love to ride in a hot-air balloon,’ Maud said dreamily. Then her face fell. ‘But it’s probably one more thing that sheep can’t do.’

  Picturing Maud in a hot-air balloon, Ernie had a sudden flash of memory. ‘Maud!’ he said excitedly. ‘Sheep can fly in hot-air balloons! Not only that, the first-ever pilot of a hot-air balloon was a sheep!’ Maud listened, enthralled, as Ernie repeated what he’d read in ‘Fearless Heroes of Flight’ the night before. ‘The first hot-air balloon was launched in 1783, and the pilots were a sheep, a duck and a rooster,’ he told her. ‘And they stayed aloft for fifteen whole minutes.’

  ‘Oh Ernie!’ Maud exclaimed. ‘Is this true?’

  ‘It’s all in the book, Maud,’ Ernie assured her. ‘A sheep was one of the greatest heroes of flight.’

  It was a proud Maud who cantered across the field to breakfast.

  When Ernie and Maud joined Amazing Desmond, Valiant Vera and Housecat Woman in the
front row of the assembly hall for Super Whiz’s speech, they were both feeling much more heroic than they had the previous day.

  ‘How did you enjoy your seminar?’ Valiant Vera asked them.

  ‘It was great!’ the two trainees chorused.

  Their instructor, a jovial woman who had reminded them a bit of Desmond, had been very encouraging. They’d role-played several superheroic scenarios, and Lion-hearted Lakmi had held up Ernie and Maud as an example of a partnership that worked exceptionally well.

  ‘Well done, you two,’ said Valiant Vera, sounding pleased. ‘And what about the other trainee superheroes and sidekicks, were they nice? Did you meet the pair from Beezerville?’

  ‘Er, yes,’ said Ernie. He and Maud looked at each other and tried not to laugh. ‘Very nice.’ Trainee superhero Mei-Li had indeed been very nice, but her sidekick, Cuddles, was a very pompous porcupine.

  ‘Is The Daring Dynamo here?’ Ernie asked, craning his head around.

  Vera laughed. ‘Oh no. Dynamo will be hiding out until it’s time to give his speech. He’s quite shy, really.’

  ‘Shhh.’ Amazing Desmond flapped his hands at them. ‘Super Whiz is about to begin.’

  Looking up at the stage, Ernie saw Super Whiz standing at the microphone. His blue tights looked very smart, and the red SW stamped on his chest seemed to positively glow under the lights. But to Ernie’s surprise, Super Whiz, who loved giving speeches, was pale and trembling.

  ‘Is Super Whiz worried that Chicken George might steal his speech?’ he asked Desmond.

  Desmond shook his head. ‘I think Whiz would be glad if Chicken George turned up now,’ he said. ‘It’s not Chicken George that he’s afraid of—he’s nervous about speaking in front of such a big audience.’

  Just then, Super Whiz glanced down at them anxiously. And although Ernie had only ever seen them arguing, Amazing Desmond gave Super Whiz an encouraging thumbs-up.